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Kara brought this First Word to the meeting on June 14, 2009.

The New Mom

I can't seem to hold a thought in my head for more than a few minutes lately. So, all I could do is put together a list of some of these fleeting thoughts from past couple of months:

- I am going to be a parent.

- Someone's parent -- for real! This must be a joke.

- I'm not ready.

- Okay... now I'm ready.

- Here comes baby - why am I on my back in bed? Isn't this why I didn't want to do this in the hospital?

- God has a sense of humor.

- OKay, baby's here... now what?

- Feed him, clean him, love him - check, check and check.

- Not easy.

- Why is this so hard?

- That mother looks like she's got it together. That one has two! Three! Wow.

- Now I am working - why am I working?

- Right - have to eat, pay bills. Hate that -- no, wait. Love eating. Hate paying the bills. Right.

- Wonder if Noah ate yet - call David

- Did he eat? How much?

- Does he miss me? How would I tell if he did? He seems happy. That makes me sad. Which makes me feel guilty.

- Wonder if he pooped yet. Call David. No poop yet - all day thinking about Noah - poop - home - baby. No work done.

- Why am I obsessing about poop?

- Think about something else.

- First Word - Oh no! What to say for First Word?

- Don't talk about poop.

- Oops - too late. No time to write another - baby's hungry, dirty, cranky.

- Wait - missing the point - where is God in this?

- Oh right - God's in everything - all of it; random thoughts

... at work, at home,

... in isolation, in self-consciousness, in separation anxiety,

... in poop obsession, in random thoughts

... in doubts, in Noah's face, in David's embrace

... in my First Word, strange as it was

- Encouraging me to turn off this constant chatter in my head, be quiet, and listen.